By Mariette
It is well established by now that ongoing communication with your partner is the key to happy, healthy relationships. This applies to discussing each other’s views and habits with regards to money as well as what your goals are for the future and your retirement vision. Transparency, while often painful, is healthiest in the long-run, and less painful than the potential fall-out that often occurs when couples find out that not only are they not on the same page with regards to finances, sometimes they aren’t even in the same book.
One very common conflict that often arises in relationships is the difference in people’s saving/spending patterns. Setting financial goals that you mutually agree upon (the mutual is very important here,) discussing your respective retirement visions, working up a monthly budget together and regularly discussing your financial picture and progress with your savings can help keep both of you on track and can also alert you to any changing priorities before it becomes an issue. For example, if you want a large plasma television then you should discuss that desire with your partner, you can work out together whether or not you can afford it, whether it fits in with your long term financial goals, and you will also learn what dreams your partner may have for any discretionary money and see if you can come to an agreement. This is much healthier for the relationship then buying the television because you want it, and the money is in the bank (or not) without regard to what your partner might think.
Perhaps you discover that one or both partners have a problem with overspending or impulse purchasing. It is important that you discuss this as a couple, particularly if it is impacting your long-term savings goals, as soon as you realize this is a problem. And yes, it may be embarrassing, there may be a lot of shame or defensiveness about this, but it will be far more embarrassing and shameful if you wait until your debt has spiraled out of control before addressing the issue. After all, spending money to make you feel better about spending too much money is a recipe for disaster, although it is unfortunately quite common, it’s far better to try to get to the root of the problem as early as possible and try to fix it, with compassion for both yourself and your partner.
Issues in finances, when not discussed, can eat away at the foundation of a relationship, this is why it’s better to talk about these issues before the situation degenerates to the point where you are both so angry and defensive that you aren’t communicating without a lot of shouting and blame. Honesty, both with yourself and with your partner, about how you feel about your financial priorities and budget is crucial. If you feel shame about your shopping habit patterns or often regret your purchases it’s better to acknowledge that, get it out in the open and then deal with it, constructively, without blame or recrimination. It’s the only way those patterns are going to change and you’ll be able to realize your previously discussed retirement vision, you’re relationship will also be all the stronger for it.
